How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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