I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
