All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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