Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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