I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
