It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
