We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
