what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
