If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
