I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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