My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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