I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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