You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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