there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
