I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
