i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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