Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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