why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
