dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
