im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
