I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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