I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
