I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
