I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
