Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
