only you would photoshop your dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
