It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
