Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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