you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
