shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't think brook has ever known best
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
