just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
