Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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