So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He did a backflip because drugs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
