Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we're making bets on your personal life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize