Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
