did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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