sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
