Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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