Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
