last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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