I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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