life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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