The maid of honor just puked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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