I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
