i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
