Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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