problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
