So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You took a bar mat shot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
