Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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