No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
