I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need moral support for this bender
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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