I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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