Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
