I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
