THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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