he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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