Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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