Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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