My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
