I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
