Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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