Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
