Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I would ride that face into the sunset
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
