we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
