Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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