It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
