Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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