I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
