Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
