I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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