A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
