don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
