Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Farmville is her only friend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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