Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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