Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
