ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
