She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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