textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
