I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
