Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
