I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
