Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
