ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
