Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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