i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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