she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she told me i tasted like america
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
