Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i now understand why vodka
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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