I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
