I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
