There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
