The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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